Stark warning from drama student who almost lost it all
GLOWING with health, Ocean Hanna smiles as she discusses her hopes for the future.
But three and a half years ago her prospects looked anything but bright.
Pale and emaciated, she was in the grip of a crippling heroin addiction which threatened to destroy her.
Ocean became hooked on the killer drug at 18 and went from a respectable straight A student to a thieving college dropout who survived on six cans of Red Bull a day and scored hits from street dealers.
She says her downfall began when she started experimenting with cannabis, aged just 14.
Last month a House of Commons committee recommended the legalisation of certain drugs in the UK, similar to that of some US states.
But Ocean’s heartbreaking story serves as a warning of the slippery slope to addiction that often begins with the first puff of a joint.
Speaking exclusively to The Sun, the recovering addict, now 22, says: “For people with addictive personalities or who need to fill a void, legalising cannabis could be so dangerous.
“My problems started with alcohol. I moved on to cannabis, then cocaine, and eventually heroin. It’s a typical progression for an addict.
“I smoked weed for days and was incapable of anything productive.
“Making cannabis legal holds a lot of risks for a lot of people.
“When I look back at the girl I was a few years ago, I just want to hug her. I was drinking alcohol every day and smoking crack cocaine and heroin.
“Gone was the little girl so full of sparkle and promise and in her place was this empty shell with haunting eyes.”
Ocean grew up with her mum, Sheila, 50, an interior designer, in Redditch, Worcs.
She enjoyed a happy childhood but things took a bad turn when her estranged dad Ian passed away from lung cancer, aged 39, when Ocean was just 14.
She says: “I was a child who was always smiling. Mum showered me with affection and encouraged me to put 110 per cent into everything I did. I was taken aback by how much losing my father hurt.
“It was strange because I barely knew him and hadn’t seen him for eight years. I guess I always thought we’d form some relationship in the future.”
Despite the loss, Ocean won a scholarship to Oxford School Of Drama when she was 17.
She says: “Mum was over the moon when I secured a place.
“It was unusual to get in so young, most students were a few years older than me. I couldn’t wait to leave home and start college.”
In June 2008, Ocean moved to Oxford, she was due to start the course in September that year.
But within a matter of weeks she fell in with the wrong crowd and started drinking heavily, as well as smoking cannabis.
This eventually led to her snorting cocaine.
Ocean says: “Mum would call and ask how I was getting on and I’d say I was fine and looking forward to studying. It was a lie. In reality I was lounging around getting wasted.
“Sometimes I wouldn’t leave the house for days and didn’t take care of my appearance.”
Soon Ocean’s mind was affected by her use of cannabis, cocaine and alcohol. She ended up dropping out of drama school before the course had even started.
The following February she decided to go travelling in Australia. Ocean says: “Mum didn’t like the fact I was going. But I was 18 and thought I knew everything. “I’d made up my mind and that was it. I had no idea Mum was crying herself to sleep at night because she was so sick with worry.
“She knew I struggled to look after myself in Oxford and thought that, without parental control, I’d go off the rails in Australia. Of course, that’s just what happened.”
After settling in Sydney, Ocean soon became acquainted with the city’s dark drug scene.
She even took a job in a seedy sex shop to help pay for her habit.
Ocean says: “I slipped back into my old, destructive ways. In one blow-out I spent £1,000 in two days on alcohol and coke. It was £200 a gram and I became quickly addicted. I had to get a job in a sex shop to pay for drugs.”
Ocean’s supply began to dry up and, in desperation, she would approach dealers in the street.
On one occasion she collapsed in a public toilet after snorting a line of what she thought was cocaine.
She says: “It was dangerous to buy from dealers I didn’t know but I needed a hit.
“When I had the bad reaction I thought I would die.
“I found out the line was probably laced with dangerous crystal meth.”
Ocean had several friends who took drugs so it wasn’t long before she was offered heroin. She jumped at the chance — with devastating consequences.
She says: “A friend was smoking it and offered it to me. I was as high as a kite and buzzing.
“After that I started smoking heroin four times a week.
“Heroin changes you as a person. I started to steal from friends to feed my addiction and I became needy and annoying. My weight plummeted. I went from eight stone to just seven stone in a month.
“I was eating like a sparrow and surviving on six cans of Red Bull a day. I even shaved off my long hair.
“I’d become a functioning alcoholic and drug addict and my life was one big blur.
“I barely recognised myself when I looked in the mirror. I was desperately sad and paranoid. Deep down, I was ashamed.” In October 2009, when Ocean was 19, she was watching a film at a dealer’s house and said that she would be an actress one day.
His reaction hit her hard. Ocean says: “He just laughed and said, ‘You’re nothing but a junkie’.
“I burst into tears. The realisation of what I’d become devastated me. I went home and threw all my drugs in the bin. After eight months in Australia I decided to go home.
“As soon as I got off the plane in the UK I saw mum’s horrified face. I looked like a skeleton and was wearing a cheap wig.
“Her beautiful daughter had been replaced by a junkie.” Over the following weeks and months Ocean attended counselling sessions but didn’t take them seriously.
She says: “I became a recluse and carried on drinking. I tried to hold down menial jobs but couldn’t.
“I was a wreck. I began dipping into my dad’s inheritance money and blew £10,000 in five months.
“I started suffering from OCD and panic attacks. It was awful, a vicious circle that I feared I would never get out of.”
Then, in November 2011, Ocean found the strength to turn her life around for good. She made a list of all the things she wanted to achieve and ticked off each one as she succeeded. Ocean says: “I started with small things, like brushing my hair, showering and cooking dinner.
“Most people wouldn’t think twice about these actions but for me they were a real challenge.
“I also taught myself to smile — even when I felt desperately sad. It’s incredible the difference it makes.
“My long-term goals were finding a job and getting back into acting.
“It wasn’t easy and I became paranoid and had severe mood swings and anxiety attacks. But with the help and support of my mum, I’ve been clean for more than a year.
“I’m writing a book to help other addicts. I hope sharing my story can stop other people going down the same road as me.
“I want people to know it’s never too late to get help.
“Alcohol and drugs almost destroyed my life — but I’m stronger than ever now.”
